Dee-Dee-Dehydrated

A Story of Romance, Tequila, and Sunrises

It’s NYFW and if you aren’t aware of what that acronym is, I will let it slide and tell you that stands for “New York Fashion Week”. It isn’t for the faint of heart, or people like me who think “Fashion” should be affordable but most importantly, comfortable. I know that I am not everybody’s cup of tea, for instance, “sneakerheads” cringe when they see me in my Classic all white K-Swiss. That is just one of my collection of 2 pair of sneakers. The other pair is my “fancy” going out sneakers, Adidas Cloudfoams. Combined I might have paid $120 for them.

I get there is an entire community of people who wait in lines, buy to resell and even pay the plug a retainer to make sure they have the next hottest sneaker the day it drops. Trust me, I live with someone who has taken an entire spare bedroom and lined it from the “WINDOW TO THE WALL” (Lil’ Jon Voice), floor to ceiling with nothing but sneaker boxes, some unworn and others that are “specifically for that one outfit, you know, with the shirt that has the neon green reflector patches”, and this is my life.

I am in New York City on my way to a writers workshop, one that I have wanted to go to for a very long time and it is during fashion week, I park and proceed with my plans. Nothing out of the ordinary here, just a day to myself. I decided that I was most comfortable in my sweats, cropped hoodie (which I was told is unbecoming of a 40-year-old woman to wear) and slides – I am talking FURRY SLIDES. Yes, this is my idea of a day in the city apparel.

slides

*Note the cream pants and the white slides. I didn’t even try y’all…

I digress.

So, I absorb what I can and when the workshop ends I call a friend who is in the city working and ask her if she wants to link up for a quick bite. Here is what you need to know about me, I am Vegan, so eating is a whole to-do with others – so I avoid it at all costs. Plus, I stopped drinking years and years ago. I mean, I don’t even have a glass of wine with dinner. So, I am not much fun when it is “let’s go grab a drink time” and I am on my Seltzer shit. Listen, when I was sick, I figured it would be best to stay away from anything toxic and to me, that meant meat, alcohol, hookah (plus smoking of any sort), staying out late, avoiding crowds and the like.

I find a place that will satisfy both of our dietary needs, Mexican, my favorite! Now, let’s not forget, I am in my sweatsuit and furry slides. I have NO business being in public like this, but it is what it is – I say fuck it. I have lived 40 years on this earth and I am not really sure I care much about what people think of my fashion choices. Actually, IDGAF. And that, my friends, is an acronym for “I DON’T GIVE A F*CK”.

We meet up and walk through the doors of the restaurant. I am so excited to see this person, that I am completely smitten. This is the “romance”. This is when I think about how much I miss seeing the people I love. I want to bite their faces off when I see them. I know, it’s bad. I literally want to crawl into their skin and live there for a bit, so I can feel fully and truly connected to them and make up for the lost time. I don’t know how it happened but I have some of the most amazing people in my life. After I practically squeeze the life out of her, we proceed into this hole in the wall restaurant.

Well, forget what I said above, I am now in a full-blown panic. I tell my friend “I think I should go home, I look CRAZY!” I am not kidding either. I got my loving and now I can leave. Guess what, I actually care about how I look. Apparently, I care so much that I am getting physically ill at the thought of being seen in public. I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. Suddenly, I have no escape, the hostess turns around and says “how many?”, we make eye contact and she looks at me, I am talking from HEAD to TOE. I die a little inside.

The hostess is a beautiful young 20-something, wearing an all-black outfit, a ponytail, and modest makeup. She smiles, “Oh. Wow!” she says. I have NO idea where she is going with this and I am in front of someone who will forever remind me of the day I got made fun of at the Mexican restaurant by the hostess. This “Oh. Wow!” is followed by “I love your look, it is SUPER stylish,” she says. I swallow hard, looking for the cameras – this must be a joke. She squeals “YOU ARE SO CUTE” as she turns her back and takes us to our seat. At this point, I am looking at my friend like, is this real life? The hostess, who is now my IDOL, leads the way as my friend tells the story of me trying to skip out on dinner because I thought I looked ridiculous. At this point, we are all laughing, not sure why.

We get seated and I can feel it… Am I alone here? Have you ever been super uncomfortable and dreading something and then one little thing happens and your entire vibe changes? This girl, in all her splendor, MADE MY NIGHT. A night that almost didn’t happen – went until 5 am.

I went from (lower case) level 2 Dee-Dee to (ALL CAPS) LEVEL 10 DAY-DAY. That was all I needed to hear, I looked CUTE. Girl, stop. NO, tell me more!

The waiter comes, I am like “HAYYYYYYYYYYY, FUN Dee-Dee in the HOUSE!!!” he looks at me like he has no time for my shenanigans. I get serious, “I will take a margarita”, and do I ever. I suck that baby down before the food comes. I proceed to drink my friend’s margarita because they aren’t coming in fast enough and just like that, I am on my worst behavior. Loud, obnoxious, laughing out loud at everything, whispering in my loud voice.

It was fun, I can’t lie to you. I was really trying to tone it down but, the way my brain is set up… I couldn’t!

This is my life.

When it comes to fashion, I will be the first to admit, I am not going to become the “OOTD” Instagram ICON. (ootd = outfit of the day). There are a few very important things that I believe deeply in, I have listed them below and I stand firm in my belief system.

  1. Accessories – I think nothing of spending money on bags, scarves, sunglasses, eyeglasses, and jewelry. ALL of these are considered INVESTMENTS to me. I have purses from 1998 that hold up today.
  2. A collection of denim in every shade and fit. I will wear overalls, distressed boyfriend jeans or jeggings. As long as I have jeans in my closet, I am happy. Me, personally, I wear American Eagle jeans, they fit my mom-bod best.
  3. Sweat – ANYTHING. I am talking about, sweatpants, joggers, sweatshirts, sweaters. I am a summer person so it is hard to admit that I miss only one thing during the summer that I get the other 9 months of the year… HOODIE SEASON! If you are reading this, mark my words, I will be sent off into my next life in a hoodie. If I am not, then SOMEONE (Tracey, my sister) didn’t follow my End of Life ARRANGEMENTS… I just need to know that if there is life after this, I am comfortable and CUTE!

HENCE, this is why I need to stay home my people. You need to understand, I have only 2 modes.

  1. Netflix on my sofa
  2. TURNT TF UP – (TF = The F*ck)

That’s it and it’s like a lightswitch, I go from one extreme to the other. That was Tuesday night, I am still paying for it. Moderation, that is the word of the day. I need to learn to do things in moderation. I want to go out, do things and enjoy my life without the consequences of the monster I refer to as “Dee-Dee Dehydrated”.

Dee-Dee Dehydrated is all the things I dislike being. A grumpy baby with dry skin. Short and mean. Snippy, nauseated, emotional (this includes crying for no reason), headachy and stuck in the fetal position in a YouTube rabbit-hole that started so innocently with “kittens playing with strings” and ended up being “flesh-eating bacteria found on high-end hotel room tv remote turns mans limbs to tree trunks”.

I am happy to say that my daughter, Chloe, is loving college and I think that is why I am able to enjoy myself without any guilt or worries. She is adjusting and so am I…

Well, that is all folks. Until next time of course! Dee-Dee Dehydrated SIGNING OFF!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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